Disenfranchised No More: The Childless-Not-By-choice Grief Counselor's Fight to Validate the Grief of Infertility | Anne Altamore

Watch full episode on YouTube, available on 16 Sep at 6am EST.

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As I sat down to interview Anne Altamore, the founder of Life After IVF, I knew I was about to embark on a deeply personal and poignant topic that is often shrouded in silence.

What unfolded was a raw and powerful conversation that left me both inspired and heartbroken.

Anne's journey with infertility spanned over 12 years, a rollercoaster of hope, loss, and overwhelming grief. But it was her candid admission of feeling "incredibly alone" during that time that struck a chord deep within me.

The lack of support and validation she experienced is a reality far too many face when navigating the challenges of IVF and pregnancy loss.

"The overriding memory I have is of being alone," Anne shared, her voice laced with emotion. "I didn't know anybody else who was on IVF until quite late, when I met one other person the clinic I was with did have a support group, and I joined that support group, but then everybody started getting pregnant and they left. So again, that was just me like, What is going on? Why is it not happening for me?"

As Anne's story unfolded, I was struck by the profound grief she carried, a grief that she describes as "disenfranchised" – a term that captures the heartbreaking reality that her loss was often dismissed or minimized by those around her.

"If I look back now, the biggest memory I have is two things: one is disenfranchised grief, because there was no acknowledgement of the grieving process. And two, was feeling incredibly alone during that time," Anne revealed.

But Anne's resilience shines through, as she turned her personal struggles into a lifeline for others.

After retraining as a counselor and psychotherapist, she founded Life After IVF, providing much-needed support and validation for those who have finished their fertility journey without a child.

The depth of Anne's insights and the raw honesty with which she shared her story left me both inspired and deeply moved. There is so much more to unpack here – the emotional investment in embryos, the complex grieving process, and the powerful concept of "childless, not less."

Tune In

I encourage you to listen to the full interview to hear Anne's story in her own words. Her journey is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and a powerful reminder that we must create more spaces for those affected by infertility to be seen, heard, and supported. Available on 16 September, in commemoration of World Childless Week 16-22 September 2024.

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Paraphrased quote by Anne from one of Zoe Clarke Coates' books: "I hate the term pregnancy loss. We didn't lose a pregnancy. We lost a precious baby." And so she says, "Let's change the language surrounding loss." Buy it here on Amazon.

Workbooks to accompany Megan Devine's book: How To Carry What Can't Be Fixed

Learn more about Anne

I am Anne Altamore, 61yo CNBC, founder of Life After IVF, a safe, healing space for all who have disembarked the fertility treatment roller coaster.

I spent almost 3 decades in a successful career in Marketing and Communications, 12 of which were climbing the corporate ladder while dealing extremely well (I thought) with the challenges of the IVF roller coaster.

My IVF journey included one early miscarriage of twins and many embryos created but not resulting in a pregnancy. Each and every one was a devastating loss of hopes and dreams, and in retrospect, many secondary losses. At the time, I did not know about grief. I did not know that I was allowed to grieve these losses because society told me to move on. But if, my miscarriage and lost embryos were not real losses, why did I feel so lost, angry, and unbearably sad?

Was I a weak person? Why did I feel such a strong connection to my twins? Was I stuck in a fantasy? Was there something wrong with my mental health? I could not find anyone who would help me answer these questions.

When I disembarked the IVF roller coaster at 41, I found it difficult to find specialised support and understanding not only around grief and loss but also in redefining my life going forward. When menopause hit, a lot of feelings re-surfaced and hit me like a Tsunami that would not subside. Again, specialised counselling was not easy to find.

I decided to retire from the Corporate World and retrained as a Counsellor in the hopes of being to others the person that I had once needed. I hold a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy specialising in grief and loss. My areas of interest are in helping loss parents build their grief muscles to be able to carry what can’t be fixed, empower themselves to navigate the Tsunamis of loss, and to redefine their lives moving forward to live a life that brings them peace and contentment.

Website - www.lifeafterivf.com.au



ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Daisy May Reyes is a spiritual life coach and guide dedicated to helping women heal from the deep emotional wounds of pregnancy loss, miscarriage, and infertility, and reconnect with the spirit of their angel baby. Drawing from her own transformative experiences, Daisy empowers women to release pain, find peace, and connect with their spirit babies. As the host of the WOMBen Collective™ podcast, she provides a compassionate space for women to explore their journeys and gain spiritual insights. Daisy's mission is to guide women toward healing, self-discovery, and a renewed sense of purpose. When she's not working, she delights in nature walks, powerlifting, and spending time with her family.